And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

so annoyed at myself right now, because i just woke up from an unplanned nap and now i can't sleep even though its already three. i'm so fucking tired all the time, i don't even know why i sleep anymore. i'll be fighting so hard tmr just to pretend that i'm listening to him talk his smorgasbord of economic theories.

exams are like in ten days and i think i'm really scared now. because my lit grade is dismal, microec. still makes no sense to me, i can't figure out what general in general paper actually means and my math still sucks. yesterday, openoffice decided to do me a big favor to eat my china studies notes which i have spent eight hours preparing so that i might actually forget that china studies is actually a subject. so no, everything is not okay and it will never be until i start studying properly. (and because i'm a teenager: it's also a point to make that the world must stop hating me.)

it's not hard to see where i'm going but let's not wait till it gets too clear and starts making a sad, sad sense that i don't want to know. on a side note, rainy nights, a hot cup of tea and good music always make me feel so much happier. it's almost as if exams aren't coming but are already over. almost.

so yesterday, after my notes got deleted, i went to read 'perks of being a wallflower' again. i think i last read it when i was eleven or twelve. i can't remember. but i do remember thinking how much charlie thinks like me. i think it frightened me a little. but anyhow, it was just as good as the first time i've read it. it's not great or anything, just good enough a book to keep me occupied for a while. i guess why i really picked up the bk in the first place was because of the title. i really like the word 'wallflower' even though i didn't know what it meant at first. now i do, and i like it even more. it's such a pretty word and it reminds me of 'the wallflowers' who sang 'the beautiful side of somewhere' which is like one of my all-time fav songs.

it's three-thirty now. i have a window of four hours to try to fall asleep so i can wake up tomorrow to go for tuition. i want to wake up. whenever someone says that they wish for themselves to never wake up, i sometimes wonder if they mean it like as if, if they were asleep, or if they were going to always remain awake. i think it's nice to have an option. because never is too absolute a word to use in a context when choices are denied.

going to bed now. g'night.