You know, we never really should take any thing in life for granted because there really are no certainties. Aside from my usual cynicism I never really doubted the rhythm of how some things will eventually work themselves out and eventually fall into place. But now I really understand. It's how, a paid concert ticket doesn't mean you'll get to watch one; how doing your homework doesn't mean your teacher will get to mark it (!); how putting a damn sanitary pad doesn't mean you will not end up looking like someone stabbed you in the ass with a dagger (!!)... sigh, now I know.
shit happens (all the time to me).
So the next time you think you are certain about something, don't be. Because some times the only things that you can be certain about will be how things will often turn out with the most unexpected, the most unpredictable endings.
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And so, I must blog about my MCTs, what's a student without attempting to wallow in self pity about the lack of academic achievements right? Truly, bad grades have seemed to dominate a large part of my very Pathetic jc life. Sometimes I wish that I can say that I don't really care about my bad grades, but then I'd be lying through my teeth. Every time I get a bad grade, somewhere deep down, I feel like there's nothing more important than getting an A. At all costs. Because it doesn't feel good to be put down, not by others but by yourself. Sometimes, I forsake helping a friend to save my own ass, sometimes, I feel fleeting moments of anger when I don't know things that I should know, sometimes, I think I worry too much. But most of the time, I want to believe that self-centeredness is the best way of self-preservation. It's okay to be selfish, just be honest about it... sometimes hypocrisy can be disguised as a disgusting illusion of compliments, feigned modesty and oh-so witty remarks, but really what you mean to say can only be really nothing more than lies. And what you are really thinking about is how smart you really are and how good-looking you are. That's all. Nothing over self yet desperately pretending that its everything for others. What irks me even more is when others are so naively blinded and some are just willingly led. What can I say but to put my good faith in that stupidity is endemic in life and people are but too afraid of the bitter cure, but some wise ones will eventually get it. Sigh. That aside, I really believe that pretense is unnecessary when you can rise up to what you do. Maybe there are some people out there who really believe in living a life that they can't rise up to.
Cowards. We're cowards in so many ways.
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And so today, I resolve, a resolve to my already on-going resolution to mug everyday. To mug and mug and mug or be destined to face a slow, painful death for many years to come. Truly, there's no shame in being radically studious. We all just want the best for ourselves.
(Just always remember to look up once in a while and smile) ^^
Setbacks and Springboards
21 Apr 2009