"Even the tallest tree can't reach the sky.-
It's painful to fall short of expectations. To be desperately trying and be so desperately failing still. I do not understand. I'm very tired of trying and trying and trying to pick myself up. Maybe, catching up when you have fallen behind is an impossible task in JC, in this school, in this life this time. I can't stand doing another math question. I just CANNOT. Even after all this while, doing math still makes me cry. It's just so frustrating. Trying and trying and trying to get the right answers in a context that doesn't even make any damn sense. I hate it. I remember breaking down in sec4 doing integration. Moments of weakness that resurface every time I do math. I don't know how I'm going to finish this tutorial, or the next and the one after.
Maybe trying hard isn't enough, some people just aren't cut out for stuff like that. It's so trying. Being average is hard enough for me to forget about being anywhere near best. Sometimes, I feel like asking some people to shut up when they whine about how tough it is taking two H3s, because it was a decision that they chose to make. I really cannot tolerate repetitions of such just because there's a need for these pompous people to reassert their academic prowess. It disgusts me, because they are so oblivious to their own deficiencies when they are clearly so damn f-ing obvious. Seriously, people like me struggle to keep the bare minimum academic units and to do well for them, so I really think its time to shut the f- up if you can't handle. Don't bite off more than you can chew. And certainly don't spit the excess out onto others. Ah, you be damned. You.
I can't wait for A'levels to be over. Such exams aren't worth taking since your value as a student is already decided before you even take it. One wrong step and you will keep on falling. I can't say that I don't care, but, for most, I think, no amount of caring will make a difference. Because it will always be a case of you trying to edge out the next tallest tree, and then the next, and the following. I'm sick of trying. I'm even sicker of watching others trying to do so and to even keep track of the height of trees of another garden. Ha. I cannot stand it. Even the tallest tree doesn't reach the sky, because we have to understand that no matter how high we try to reach, we will never be able to reach the sky. Never.
Xinzi
