Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes.
Lets just put it as simply as i can, in some sort of coherent subtlety that will hopefully only make sense to the people whom i think should read this. In a competitive world, where people speak as if they know they are right, I can never formally stand up for what I want to stand up for, i can and never will be the one. I accept that and I will never ever whine or complain about that. Never have been really good with words. Never have been really good with persuasion. Never have been really good with liking something that can actually be time consuming. I have come a long way, I have always thought I'd die someway in the process and run away, come up with long lists of excuses or just quit. But somehow, responsibility that I never knew existed came up and saved me from being a quitter. For that, I am thankful.
Competitions are little nice notions because they are like opportunities for victories but yet, often being too caught up in the pursuit of victory does one neglect the other scenario; too caught up in preparation for winning, one often forgets to prepare to lose. Oh well, its sad especially when losses are unprecedented and a little hurtful because of reasons we only know to ourselves x)
(Not to mention the many many distractions around :P )
Haha, but thank God for good teammates and dedicated individuals. No touching messages or whatsoever, those shall be reserved till farewell but thanks guys for magnanimity in times of simply screwed up moments! It had been a good one thus far! <3333
HEH. Okay, now I am done with the almost-emo part of my post let me move on to other things that also matter!
Like for example how I actually managed to meet Clarice on Tuesday. Haha. This is actually worth mentioning because I was actually already beginning to doubt my will to keep my friends (and she actually blatantly asked me to blog about her). Especially now that everyone's in different schools, its really hard to meet up. Like seriously, I can't believe how she didn't actually change at all. As in she's still as weird and stuff haha, and she still makes me want to puke everytime I see her, which is pretty amusing I think. But oh well, it was still fun talking to her, legitimizes my weirdness actually since she's also damn weird. Heh. Ghost whisperer, vain people staring into any sort of reflective surfaces, correction fluids, bandung, lousy math, ugly photos (seriously) and green stuff always remind me of all the retarded stuff we used to do in class. And in hindsight, they are really really stupid (: Things haven't changed much I guess. We still can't really communicate in words and we still can't take nice photos together. But I've actually thought of something random...for someone who actually messages me to watch random horror films being shown on tv quite frequently, she is ridiculously timid. Uh, this entire part is sounding different as what I expected it to be. But haha, oh well, had fun that day, friend! I miss you a lot too :DDD
And on a more contemplative note to myself, I have decided to really take a step back and move away because really, sometimes moving backwards gives me the clarity to see things from a better perspective. It's not worth paying high prices for an air ticket that flies you into unchartered territories with hurricanes :P
Clearly, my outlook on life has suddenly brighten. Must be the much needed divine intervention that I have fervently asked for. Lets hope the light doesn't dim. Go OBS INDIA! I must work hard for what I want.
I MUST, I MUST, I MUST.
Xinzi
