Life Rebate

Yesterday was feverish and delirious; I entertained brief moments of leaping off the building in my delirium, but thank God i was too tired to move and so I slept and I thought about...

daily fiends both physical and mental,
friends from the past that I have not talked to in a while,
how crazy I have been,
my lack of physical conditioning,

and in the back of my head, i realised...

how close I have allowed fiends to come,
that I can still talk to my friends if I want to,
that I am crazy because I've believed myself to be,
and I am fat because I am lazy.

So today, I changed. I walked out of the house to get my passport, went to see the doctor who gave me good news (which I shall leave it as that for now) and a MC for TWO days, bought groceries and made dinner for myself with much help and I am trying to get the angst out of the system and move on to a stage where I can control myself and my emotions. Moreover, it really is time to change. But it is never going to help if people are going to come up to me and tell me I am crazy, well, as a matter of fact, it crazes me.

Yes, huixian. So stop calling me siao.

And I don't appreciate your insensitive riposte. I don't give a damn shit about what you think and if there is obviously a disparity between what we think about as right. You very well stay away and I mean it.

Xinzi