Caught Up

chagrin. the blood in my heart threatens to run dry-

words felt but not heard
too caught up.
too selfish.
everyone wants to be a champion
but there's only one bloody space on the throne-
you work hard,
or you die.

incapacitation.
murders my love for everything.

i can write ten thousand pages but in the end
there'd be only one thing ascertainable and that it will end with a punctuation mark- of my choice.

you can end on a boring, mechanic fullstop that's like surrender and a recognition that it's all over.
you can end on a ridiculous comma that expresses your will to continue.
you can end on a exclamation mark that declares triumph
but my choice would be the ambiguous ellipses, because they signify forever...

then if you die today, would you say forever?
this naivety staggers.

little do i know...