Anguish

like a cruel croupier in a fledging den, so desperate for one win in this stupid game- he dealt me a bad hand. and im going to have to assume that all of this is for the greater good. maybe it really is a blessing in disguise, like how im going to have this wonderful opportunity thrusted into my open arms to deal with a socially-inept idiot whom i suggest has undiagnosed Autism spectrum disorder and an intrinsic inability to identify emotionally with others and who very obviously thinks he's a prodigy of sorts- except obviously NOT. ugh, being in the same atmosphere as someone like this is already depression inducing, now i have to actually WORK with him, no wait, let me correct that, work UNDER him!?! the school better have some pretty qualified counselors, i'll need their professional advice.

i am not going to just have a bad day, im going to have a bad year.
omg, i don't hate him- its just we obviously can't work together.
HOW CAN IT BE!?
arghhhhhhhh.

oh, how i feel like a martyr now,
going to run into a building on flames to save people
and die- bravely and foolishly.
im going to cease existence
but i wouldn't even be a martyr i would just be a fireman.
another fireman who died in his course of work.
and i tell you this;
life is harsh.

schoolwork. i don't even know what constitutes as schoolwork anymore- i am more than happy to be doing all my tutorials, with the exception of maths because even though the teacher is so nice and stuff, i just CANNOT do math. maybe i have dyscalculia- that'd explain A LOT. my intraparietal sulcus is probably so dysfunctional, probably so displaced that i can't do bloody quadratics to save my life. i know, like quadratics!?! yes, life's tough, but smile anyway :)

(something totally random! but TJC's assembly music is like damn cool. who has paolo nutini for morning music. i love morning music like this. my playlist makes me happy everytime i plug myself into the iPod. )

unintended four hour long slips of consciousness makes my brain even more tired. i don't know why! ugh. math is a vulgarity to me. it is, i swear.

the rung in the ladder has lost a screw and i am losing my foothold i say. dangling unsteadily above ground, almost certainly falling. but then again, not yet.

when life gives you shit, you live with it.

xinzi