Taking Charge

in hindsight, with a stiller heart i realised how unfairly i behaved and how irresponsibly i thought of others.

i blamed Cambridge.
i blamed the markers of my papers with failing sight
i blamed the syllabus
i blamed the Gohonzon
i blamed teachers
i blamed the triple science combination
i blamed almost everyone, but myself.

truly attritional and guilty after much thoughts. its of no one's business but mine to ensure my progress and it's dastardly to be pointing fingers at everyone but forgetting to realise that the onus was on me. right from the beginning, (sigh), i am really ashamed. not of my results, but of my fault to take responsibility. i think im' beginning to see the reason why i deserved the grades and this predicament.

call me idealistic, but i really believe that this is a cause worth fighting for and a battle i must fight in order for a victory report. a breakthrough. it's to make me learn that things you want never come easy and i should never slow down in my way. AHHH! YES. must be realistically optimistic :)

it is all for a reason to be;
cos i've got something more to prove.

xinzi