argh. i cant sleep and its always to put down random fleeting thoughts into words isnt it? it's kind of cathartic and maybe it may even get me sleepy. hohoho x)
i really hate it when people say it's really hypocritical and phony when people have blogs which they call DIARIES yet dont really dare to write anything that's politically incorrect, offensive, secretive...whatever. it's really ironic. but what i hate most, is that it's the truth. i want to say something here SO SO SO SO SO bad because i cant share it with anyone else anymore. i have truly, honestly at this stage of my sad, pathetic life reach a phase where im incapacitated of the ability to trust anyone, absolutely anyone at all.
im wishing this is one of those stupid, common teenage angst phase of my life or maybe a the more simple reason would be one that is more biological. oh boy, i really feel so emo now! never thought i'll use this dumb word "emo", so low class, like please there a thousand words out there that fits this definition, but no. the word flashing in front of me is E-M-O. EMO. nothing else. hmms. i was watching the tyra banks' show today and it was on some sort of social experiment called "teensville" or something. should really check it out, it was pretty high on entertainment value really. tyra banks is like on her way to become the next oprah or something, because every single episode is directed at correcting some social cause, some poor, ugly (self-opinionated) individual wanting to look better. what happened to the cold, hard fashion world? melting cos of the global warming huh? hahaha. but i think talk shows are like reality tv shows. oxymoronic, fake, scripted. for one, tyra wanted to say she was "fascinated" but said "fashionated" or something like that. ahah, THAT was reality tv for me, a true slip in the big fake world of entertainment.
sometimes to me this fake industry brings shortlived, one hour escapades for me for i simply adore shows like PCD presents, ghost whisperer and america's next top model but when i crave for something real, like real drama, i realise i dont have any other alternatives other than national geographic, discovery or animal planet, okay maybe the history channel too, but is there nothing real on tv anymore other than animals laying one another on wild sex? hohoho. i really cant see any these days.
maybe, just maybe, that's why the world's getting faker. in the past, people just wanted to fake beauty to try and be the prettiest, but now, people are trying to fake kindness and niceness into the world, trying to be the best philanthropists, the most respected heroes, but in the process making themselves the worse sort of human.
some advice for those too caught up being oscar deserving actors/actresses in life:
"i am in blood stepp’d in so far that, should i wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er." This sentence holds absolutely NO truth unless you are six feet under. everyone deserves forgiveness, even the best liars and worse friends. make use of the time you have in your hands to set things straight because two wrongs dont make one right and maybe, for all you know, your lies are not lies anymore; but skeletons dragged out of raggedy cupboards lying on display at your nearest convenient store selling extra dosages of conscience and morality personalised and customised.
Lene Marlin- Playing My Game
& i give it
XOXO
with much love,
xinzi
