farewell part 01

okay, here is the ultimate, long emo post that im going to post about guides and me, i think this is going to take me probably an hour and much tears :'( these three and a half years have been a ride. might be good, might be bad, but im sure going to miss this ride. this feeling that you get every friday, sitting in class, with that airy, butterfly-inside kind of feeling. anticpating excitedly or maybe not in such a good way what's going to happen, especially when we had to bring along the 1.5 bottles and ponchos. sure knew there was going to be some rough activity.

now i want, also dont have already D':

if there is anything i regret the most, it's the time that i have wasted. honestly, those wasted time robbed me of a moment that i might possibly cherish for the next dont know how many years of my life. and maybe i'll be even closer to everyone than i am now. it's just yet another case of time come and gone, and crying for it to turn back shall never happen. i could still remember when i was in secondary one, guides was such a torture, sobbed like an ass when i realised i was posted to girl guides. how ironic that so many people who wanted it badly didnt get it and yet me, the person who never wanted to be in guides got in. ugh, i cringe at the thought of feeling such a strong distaste for guides. things got even worse for me at that time when i got posted to flowerpecker. things were like really downhill, first guides, then into a patrol with a terrible-sounding name. i was like so damn sad. then i remembered playing captain's ball and i was like HUH! when i realised we had to share from one single common 1.5 litre bottle. goodness, i was so reluctant to drink the water even though i was simply thirsting to dehydration. and everyone seemed to be so reluctant to talk to me. i was almost dying from the depression. but, of course as the time went by, i made friends. some nice people who were willing to put up with my phony accent. ahaha. i cringe at the thought of it. lucky it was just a phase.

secondary one was becoming to be better than i thought; i was actually having fun and gosh, did i not love my sec 4 seniors. they were, i dont know how, but amazingly inspiring and encouraging and i dare say at that time, if they told me that it was safe to jump down changcheng, i would have gladly jumped. that was how much i trusted them, and looked up to them. suddenly after hand over and new seniors took over and things just changed. not that they weren't good enough, it's just that they were so different compared to the sec4s and things changed. and so, i did many wrong things. stupid things that i regret now. not regretting that i miss the activities, but more of the times and chances after the activities that i have missed to bond through g*******g and b******g about everyone.
ahh. D': a bit all too late already.

secondary two was the best year. the year i made the most friends; they may call us cliques but in all places where there are people, birds of the same feathers definitely flock together. my skills really suck, but you know what? it doesnt matter, i made friends that compensated for that. the truth is, friends make up almost all the reasons that i love guides. even more that the CCA itself. because i found a friend in everyone, including people whom i never expected myself to be friends with and i found a friend in my juniors and my seniors. they make up the memories that i'll cherish forever. goodness, the blue uniform hanging behind that door will forever inspire. it holds memories that i'll never ever forget. camps and campfires... D':

tears i really can't hold back. because, suddenly the truth that handover has come and gone is ridiculous. it seemed only yesterday that i was sitting there as a sec one for the secfours04s' farewell. and now ... dont think i can continue. shall continue posting when im done. done crying. ='(